Welcome Back

I awoke on the morning of August 2, 1977 with such intense nausea, that I barely made it to the bathroom. You can imagine my horror when upon vomiting I beheld a stream of bright, red blood! The heaving went on unabated. I could not stop it until finally, blind, I surmise by a dramatic drop in blood pressure, I felt my way to the top of the stairs and called for Danny. He found me, unconscious, on the bathroom floor, where I had felt my way back, still blind, to vomit again.

***

There was no tunnel. There was simply this lovely, soft, ever brightening light. It was like being cradled within a frosted light bulb – all white and soft and glowing, and it was as though the air was made up of music and vibrations. It was a place of teaching, a place of learning, a place… of love. Slowly, oh so slowly, I became aware of a feeling of complete acceptance. Here was love! Profound, exquisite love! I was bathed in it, enveloped in it, completely surrounded by it. I was with God, Creator, whatever name you wish to give the Supreme Being, and I was saturated with love! Finally, I understood what He meant in my earlier vision when He said, “I love you!”

To come to any kind of understanding of what I felt, one would have to go back, back, back to when they were so very young, were hungry, maybe crying. Their mother would come, pick them up, and hold them, and they went from being hungry and uncomfortable to a feeling of warmth and safety and love. That comes as close as I can get to explaining how I felt.

I had never experienced this type of love and acceptance before. I remember thinking, This is how it is! I knew it would be this way! And, I remember finally feeling whole and worthy and safe.

There is a saying that goes something like “Recipe for one happy adult: Take one child, marinate in love for approximately 16 years until ripe and juicy.” This must be what God does. We are not aware of it on this plane, but deep down, the love is there. I don’t think we could function if we felt the full force of God’s love. The glory of it would be too distracting. When I went Home, I recognized it instantly and knew that it had been there all along! Now, I knew who I was! I had my reference, my compass, my oar! I was so happy, so very, very happy.

***

It was with a great deal of reluctance, that I opened my eyes in the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. I returned to this life with deep sorrow for what I had left behind. I felt lonely, bereft, robbed of my birthright. I was back in the cold, heartless world in which I had spent 24 years, without love, protection and companionship. I wept.

I felt someone holding my hand and looked up. There was Michelle, a friend of mine, who was a nurse at the hospital. She smiled, and smoothing the hair back from my face, whispered through a tear-filled voice, “We thought we had lost you. Welcome back.”

Excerpt from Son of My Soul – The Adoption of Christopher, Debra Shiveley Welch, Saga Books: Chapter 10 “The Reborn”

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